FANDREW

• I’m telling the office that I’m trapped on a runaway hot air balloon. But, I’m really just going to be hiding in this box under my desk.

• Who hasn’t misplaced a kid in a giant homemade balloon? It’s not like you can say, ‘Hey storm, I can’t chase you, I have to watch this kid.’

• I keep thinking about that time I got sick at school and my mom brought me to the local news station to vomit on TV, twice.

• I guess my parents don’t love me enough to pretend I was trapped on a runaway hot air balloon so I could throw up in front of Meredith Vieira.

• Jon and Kate have eight kids and they never once let them go hot air ballooning on their own. Jon probably would, for a cool Ed Hardy tee.

(via Twitter)

Alyssa: Can’t Child Services take Balloon Boy away from his terrible parents?

Andrew: Isn’t that what Wife Swap is?

I don’t think it’s embarrassing that you wrote a Beanie Baby newsletter when you were 10, I think it’s embarrassing that — if Beanie Babies were still popular — you would do the exact same thing today.

–To Alyssa