FANDREW

Guest Jokes from Adam & Alyssa

alyssa — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 18:38:08 +0000

Alyssa: I bet Andrew is like, “Oh, who are those nice gentlemen? I wonder if they know Raven-Symoné?”

Adam: Either that or “Are those Precious‘ uncles?”

But How Did He Swing?

alyssa — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 23:11:58 +0000

I did play tennis for 12 years, I just wasn’t very good. Once, I was beat by a kid who had two broken arms. His coach had to come out and throw the ball up for him so he could serve.

Ye Olde Booke of Rossi Rules

alyssa — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 03:20:47 +0000

You’re in trouble with Mom if she grabs your ear or neck — see what it did to me?
If Papa says, “Very good there,” then you’ve said/done something funny and he is about to take a picture of it.
You must compare SAT scores/your college’s ranking/difficulty of major as soon as a quorum of Rossis is reached.
If Mom asks you, “Do you want to get your hair cut?” it isn’t a question. It means, “Get in the car, you’re getting a haircut.”
If you’re meeting Dad for lunch at The Youngstown Club, you shouldn’t be dressed like you’re going to Friday’s.
If you drink water from a hotel minibar, the rest of the vacation will be miserable and you’ll be called ungrateful at least three times.
Don’t tell Dad a secret, as he runs a Warren-area gossip blog that focuses only on the private details of his kids’ lives.
If you meet somebody from Warren, you have to introduce yourself as “XXX Rossi, but we don’t own the funeral home.”
We live in a bizarro world where driving a Buick Lucerne is awesome and we let everybody know it.
You expect to wake up every morning to an omelette bar with any fixings you want (i.e. prosciutto, rosemary and gruyere).
Even if you’re 28, you can’t watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles without an adult who covers characters’ mouths onscreen when they swear.

Note to ABC

alyssa — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:28:16 +0000

If it became Live with Neil Patrick Harris and Kelly, I would quit my job. I would become a lunatic.

Sorry, Zsa Zsa

alyssa — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:21:03 +0000

I would kick my grandmother in the face for a Shake Shack burger.

Never Trust Anyone Who Goes on “Wife Swap”

alyssa — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:49:28 +0000

Alyssa: Can’t Child Services take Balloon Boy away from his terrible parents?

Andrew: Isn’t that what Wife Swap is?

This Accusation Was Undisputed

alyssa — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:25:22 +0000

I don’t think it’s embarrassing that you wrote a Beanie Baby newsletter when you were 10, I think it’s embarrassing that — if Beanie Babies were still popular — you would do the exact same thing today.

–To Alyssa

alyssa — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:34:40 +0000

To Alyssa: He likes watching Glee? So, your boyfriend’s gay, so is mine, no big deal.

Maria Overshares

alyssa — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:29:51 +0000

Can you please not call me and tell me that you’re ‘tweaking’ your ’stuff’?