FANDREW

Alyssa: I wish I had a desk that was just, like, a bed that I could lie on.

Andrew: There are people who have desks like that. They’re called prostitutes.

I set up a Jesus e-mail account to invite people to church for Easter a couple of years ago.

The last time I saw Fabio, his dog had just been stabbed. Yeah, in his neighborhood. And Fabio had to stop it, completely naked.

Jenny: You always give me that sly look, like you’re judging me.

Andrew: Jenny, if I was going to judge you, I’d do it out loud. And behind your back.

Brad: She was just saying she went on a press trip on the Hooters boat.

Andrew: You went on it?! Was it a motorboat?!